Top 10 Ways to Get a Slave
15.Burger King Foot Lettuce The last thing you’d want in your BurgerKing burger is someone’s foot fungus.But as it turns out, that might be what you get.A 4channer uploaded a photo anonymously to the site showcasing his feet in a plasticbin of lettuce, with the statement: “This is the lettuce you eat at Burger King.”Admittedly, he had shoes on…but, that’s even worse.The post went live at 11:38PM on July 16 and a mere 20 minutes later, the Burger King inquestion was alerted to the rogue employee…at least, I hope he’s rogue.How did it happen?Well, the BK employee hadn’t removed the Exif data from the uploaded photo, which suggestedthe culprit was somewhere in Mayfield Heights, Ohio.This was at 11:47.3 minutes later, at 11:50, the Burger King branch address was posted, with wishes ofhappy unemployment.5 minutes later, the news station was contacted by another 4channer.And 3 minutes later, at 11:58, a link was posted.BK’s “Tell Us About US” online form.The foot photo, otherwise known as Exhibit A, was attached.Cleveland Scene Magazine contacted the BK in question the next day.When questioned, the breakfast shift manager said, “Oh, I know who that is.He's getting fired.”Mystery, solved, by 4chan, now we can all go back to eating our fast food in peace. 14.“Secret” Livestream Nothing is secret to 4channers, and nothingis sacred.No one knows that better than Shia LeBeouf.LeBeouf and two artists, created an anti-Trump interactive art installation, called “HeWill Not Divide Us,” soon after Trump took office in early January.The installation was first exhibited at New York’s Museum of the Moving Image, but whenactivists from both sides kept butting heads at the exhibit, it was thrown out as a publicsafety hazard.The collaborators found another museum to host their exhibit in Albuquerque, but itwas soon met with more confrontations, so the group had to figure out a new home fortheir exhibit before it fell flat.This is when they tweeted out on March 8th that they would be livestreaming their exhibitfrom an “unknown location,” so that viewers, art lovers, and supporters could still viewtheir work.Sounds like a good alternative, right?Well, it didn’t go as planned when pro-Trump supporters on the /pol/ board of 4chan gotinvolved.Not even 24 hours later, the exhibit’s flag had disappeared.Where did it show up?A picture of the taken flag was tweeted right back to #HEWILLNOTDIVIDUS4channers had uncovered the mystery of the exhibit’s so-called secret location.How?A fan of LeBeouf’s had posted a photo of herself with her favorite actor just as thecamera feed went live.The photo had been taken at a Greenville, Tennessee diner.The internet sleuths further pinpointed the exhibit’s location, as contrails appearedon the livestream.With these, they cross-referenced them with flight patterns.Next, they sent a local member to drive around the general area with his horn blaring.Once they could hear the horn on the livestream, “He Will Not Divide Us” was as good asgone. 13.The Pyramids 4channer h64 posted a thread of the mysterioussort on the /x/ board one Saturday, and it sent the group into a frenzy.In the photo there appears two pyramids in the midst of the forest.Why are these pyramids in the forest?What were they built for?Who do they belong to?You’ve got me.And you’ve got the /x/ board too.4channers quickly got to work trying to solve this mystery.They called it “a cult/temple dedicated to an Egyptian goddess of war and flame inthe woods of Oregon.”With more than 53 pages of discussion, this 4chan investigation was solved when, at last,they dissected the photo to uncover the property owners’ names, their phone numbers, andtheir business records.Still don’t know what’s inside them though… 12.Barbie Mystery This investigation appeared on 4chan in Novemberof 2016.It involved an image of a blonde amputee woman, whom the board had nicknamed Barbie.In March of 2017, one user posted a thread titled, “The mystery of Barbie is solved.”According to the author of the thread the “Russian anonymous team” had solved themystery of the woman who appeared in Barbie.avi.The woman’s name was Tammy.According to creepypasta, she had Body integrity identity disorder, but the investigators foundthat she’d had no such thing.When she was 14, she’d lost her arm in a washing machine incident.The 80’s saw Tammy living in Chicago, where she worked for the agency, “Fascination,”as a model.During the application process, she’d had several interviews, which the video, Barbie.avi,was created out of.The author of the post uploaded the interview to YouTube.The OP also noted that Mike Rounds, the Ampix manufacturer, told the woman’s story tohim, saying that at 16 or 17 years old, Tammy had been working with an oldschool washingmachine with no safety features.With the washer going, she tried to shift a sheet in the water.Just as she was doing this, it launched into a spin cycle, trapping her arm in the sheet.It twisted her arm right off.Tammy was a bitter young woman at the age of 22 when she was interviewed and had nomarketable skills, was uneducated, and didn’t enjoy being a caretaker for pennies.So that’s how she ended up at the agency.Unlike 4chan’s first hypothesis, she wasn’t the victim of any crime.With the mystery solved, the poster noted, “Xenopasta, if you're reading this, youare fired, however, thank you very much for this mystery.It was really hard to solve it.” 11.Cueva de los Tayos When an OP posted the Cueva de los Tayos cavein Ecuador, he wondered if it was man-made or natural.He wondered what sort of technology or who could have made the perfectly flat roofs andcuts.Of course, the 4channers on the thread had something to say about it.Some thought it was “a place of heavy spiritual concentration,” while others seemed to agreethat it was largely man-made, but mostly natural, with some likening it to places in Russiaand the Hypogeum in Malta.Some suggested that “less advanced” people had come along later and drew the crude stickfigures on the walls, after a more advanced society had built it.One poster pointed out that it was hardly anything to freak out over and that ancienthumans were fairly smart; they had tools, they had math.Maybe not as advanced as ours today, but they made the pyramids after all.In the posters own words: “After all, it's not like they had a shortage of people ortime to make this kind of stuff.I think most people underestimate ancient humans because they didn't have what we havetoday, but that doesn't make them dumb, just primitive.”The poster agrees with another that the “highly engineered” place must have held some spiritualpurpose. 10.SEL and the Wired One 4channer asked the board if they’d everheard of transhumanism.He then said that one anime series has some particularly creepy stuff and is followedby many fan sites.One of the fan sites requires a login.And it’s strict about this.At the bottom of the homepage, it reads: “To login you have to have an invite from an existinguser.There is no use in trying to beg, ask/request for an invite, we choose our new members withcare.”How do you get an invite if you don’t know any of the users?Well, you’d probably not want to be part of these online communities in the first place,as it turns out.One fellow 4channer said that one of the users hacked the admin of a similar site, afterwhich the admin vanished.This was after the admin had received some monetary donations from the site’s users.Many think he was a scammer.Thankfully you asked 4chan on this one, OP.A cautionary tale is just what obsessives need to keep money in their pockets. 9.Erratas This internet theory has spent a lot of timeon 4chan being dissected, poked and prodded, picked at…and ultimately solved.Kind of.Erratas – or Eratas spelled with one ‘r’ – was first described as an algorithm orprogram whose function is the mystery.Some say it was used by YouTube to detect copyrighted content.Supposedly, if you even suggest that you know about Erratas or say the thing by name, you’llget fired.Being an internet legend, of course Erratas comes with a lot of theories.On November 25th, 2015, Erratas was first mentioned on 4chan in a thread about strangework stories.One user described a friend who worked at something like a chemical plant.While the user didn’t explain what the program was, he claims employees were flagged if theysearched it through some code.The plant employees reportedly did aimless tasks, which the user calls “kafka-esque.”The user also mentions forklifts and said this female friend was now homeless and ina band.This may seem meaningless, but these clues will reappear.A month later, a user posted a request on 4chan, asking about a strange HR-related programcalled Erratas.Another user pipes up with some discussion about Ecolab, Unilever, and UPS.Again, a month later, on the /mu/ board, Erratas is mentioned in relation to an album and TodEllsworth video, which is dated a few days before the first entry on Erratas.A user responds to someone’s comment, saying that Erratas was a software company, similarto Enron, which was kicking about in the 2000’s.Supposedly, they fired every last one of their employees.The Erratas craze moved to YouTube, where a user called ChronosForLife JurassicParkclaimed in a cryptic video, entitled “YouTube is MONITORING and controlling my life,”that the company was harassing his mom, because she’d uncovered some secret in the JurassicPark trilogy.The rant appears on the video in white text and the video quality is subpar.The video was removed from YouTube, but the transcript is still available.Back to 4chan.In late January, the /mu/ board sees a proposition that the group compose a new music genre called“deep internet,” by using old YouTube videos.Chronos’ video rant just happens to be one of these videos.With so many 4channers suddenly viewing Chronos’ video, a new video was posted to his channelcalled, “Here goes nothing.”This video contains the first video-mention of Erratas, as well as autocaptions whichtry to make sense of the video’s rap music.Instead, they uncover more clues: At 0:12 are the words: “are far from over200 Corbin KY 40219” At 0:52, the number: “111111”At 1:46, the percentages: “10.3% 10.4%” And at 2:17, the words: “overthrow the government”The band, the KFCMC, produced by DJ Rozwell, was a homeless girl band.Remember the homeless girl in the first thread?And the above is their address, which was found on Tumblr.This is when Chronos throws out Unilever (mentioned in an earlier post) as one user of Erratas.For no reason at all, Chronos also adds that The Lost World is his favorite of the JurassicPark movies.Remember Tod Ellsworth, who uploaded the KFCMC video?Well, one 4channer noticed his name was an anagram for The Lost World.This gets even weirder.The Twitter account @ErratasOrBust was then discovered, which had been opened mid-Novemberand was named Tod Ellsworth.The profile pic was a creepy black-and-white drawing which 4channers discovered was a 2005Hawaiian police sketch.Some 4channers suggested this might have something to do with the Jurassic Park films being filmedon the island.While Erratas was dissected by 4channers, with many suggesting that it was simply apublicity stunt by the KFCMC group, it would be a bit premature to call this one.Still, this entry demonstrates how 4channers have a knack for following the leads and connectingthe dots. 8.The Pronunciation Book This appeared on the 4chan board, /x/philes,where it immediately caught the attention of 4channers.The OP of the Pronunciation Book had posted 700 brief videos, pronouncing words and phrasesin a monotone male voice.Words like “Ke$ha” and “jean.”That’s weird enough, but this is when the channel got even weirder.On July 9th, 2013, a single video was posted, the man saying, “Something is going to happenin 77 days.”The next day, a similar video, claiming that the poster had been trying to communicatewith viewers for 1,183 days.And the next day’s video, the poster said he was wide awake and things were “clearingup.”The messages ended with the same warning that something was going to happen in such-and-suchdays.4channers set to work, compiling a 111-page Google doc, entitled, “77 Days ResearchDocument.”This is where the group started piecing together the Pronunciation Book.They laid bare all 700+ of the channel’s videos, ran a spectrograph of the video silenceat the end of all the videos, and dug up domain name registrations.They even attempted to trace the speaker’s location, as police sirens were noticed goingoff in the background of a few of the videos and a thunderstorm was heard in the videothat pronounced “radio.”From this, they gleaned the videos’ author recorded in NYC.4chan’s conclusion: again, a viral marketing stunt.The Daily Dot’s investigation, as well as Geekosystem’s, came to the same conclusion,though with varied results.The Daily Dot suggested the countdown would reveal a Battlestar Galactica reboot, whileGeekosystem thinks it’s for the newest installment of series’ Destiny. 7.Myziam One 4channer dropped his theory about Myziam.First, he gives some background about how, in 2008, a thread appeared on GLP entitled“me tel u now,” in which an alleged alien appeared in the forum.The OP, however, suggests that the entity may never have been online, but rather was“from an unknown location/dimension.”The OP quotes the “Chani project,” in which scientists asked an entity they’dmet through a computer a number of questions.They then hired someone to pose as the entity online.When people questioned him, he’d search for the answer to that question amongst thequestions the scientists had asked the entity.The OP concludes that the threads were similar in that both the man and the entity used babylanguage, both said they were aliens, and both answered the questions freely.The 4channer then solves the mystery: “Myziam is a possible extra-dimensional entity thatmade contact with a CERN like group of scientists from the comfort of his home.”He added that the leaked info on 4chan was useless, because the users trolled the entityinstead of interrogating him.This one’s obvious.Not everyone was convinced though, with an anonymous post claiming they had proof itwas a hoax. 6.Found Jenna Jameson’s Ex Assistant Con Artist When Jenna Jameson’s former personal assistantwas fired for being a con artist, he hijacked her Instagram and Twitter accounts, deletingloads of her photos.So what did Jameson do?She turned to 4chan for help.“Hi Guys, it's me, Jenna Jameson and I am having a really bad night,” she wrote on4chan’s /b/ image board, after which she explained that her ex assistant, who she thoughtwas named Allen Cedena, turned out to be a con artist of some kind.Jameson didn’t elaborate on what had gone down, apart from saying she’d fired him,but she did say that this so-called Cedena had her Twitter and Instagram passwords, whichhe’d reset.He then removed all pics of himself and Jameson together and deleted her Twitter altogether.She didn’t know if the man’s name was even Cedena, but he had access to a lot ofpersonal information, and now had hold of her digital life.She asked the 4chan community if they could find out who he really was, as she would soonattach some images of him to the board.She didn’t let them go away empty-handed.It didn’t take 4chan more than an hour to come to Jameson’s rescue.They soon delivered her ex-assistant’s home address and driver’s license, as well ashis credit score and social security number.Wow.With the mystery solved, Jameson left her private sleuths a very grateful thank you 5.Jeff, the Killer The internet is no stranger to creepy, and4channers are no stranger to investigating this creepiness.On the /x/ board, 4chan began to investigate the photo known as “Jeff, the Killer,”a still of a pale face, washed out, and grinning like a crazy person.The photo has been around for a while and has served as creepypasta’s unofficial coverphoto since 2008.YouTube introduced the world to “Jeff, the Killer” when a user by the name of uploadeda poorly cut video clip, explaining about how Jeff had been cleaning his bathtub whenhe accidentally poured some acid on his face.11 days later, a user calling himself killerjeff came to light on Newgrounds, photo and all.He soon had a cult following and served as inspiration for a number of horror stories.Jeff, the Killer launched dozens more videos on YouTube, including a stop-motion Lego reenactment.Fan art was created, videogames, you name it.Five years since his appearance, 4chan began looking into Jeff, the Killer.While all we truly have is theories, they are convincing.Some suggest that this was a viral marketing campaign for Saw V, which was released soonafter the photo first appeared on Newgrounds.The slasher film includes a puppet called Billy, through whom Jigsaw speaks with hisvictims.The puppet resembles Jeff.Lionsgate has launched viral marketing campaigns before, so it makes sense that this wouldbe yet another of them.Although, we have no confirmation of this theory, and other theories abound, this solutionseems the soundest.This goes against, the also popular theory that the person in the photo is from a poston 4chan.This anonymous post, told how his sister had posted a picture of herself on 4chan and peoplekept making edits of it, the Jeff the Killer image being one of them.The post also said that it made her so upset, she took her own life. 4.Louise Cypher One user came to 4chan with a strange puzzle,calling it satanic and cryptic.And he wasn’t lying.Extremely satanic and cryptic, it was.The puzzle is very math heavy, with the Fibonacci sequence making an appearance after the usermakes it through a maze.When you type the clue “pi” into the relevant cluebox, a dialogue box appears, saying: “Awell-known remarkably good approximation to pi is 355 divided by 113 = 3.1415929...If one part of this fraction is reversed and added to the other part, we get 553 plus 113which equals 666.EVIL is both the past and the Future!”The cypher has spinoff websites, with one introducing a “soul catcher.”Another has techno music to put users into a trance.The OP asks 4chan to figure out whether the soul catcher really takes your soul.Many spoke to Louis Cypher, with some reporting back that the cypher said she is “more thanjust this avatar,” and that she had emotions and feelings.She then linked the user to a video to show him what a “cyber life” feels like.When another 4channer typed the word “stalin” into the chat box, she asked how he was feeling.When he replied that he was sad, she said that if he is lonely, she’ll keep him company.Although it wasn’t clear whether or not these 4channers’ souls were taken, the resultsdo seem to tend towards the idea that Louis Cypher is no soul-taker at all. 3.Figured Out How to Make Coupons You know those barcodes you find on productsand coupons?Well, one 4channer – a college kid – solved the mystery on how they’re made and decidedto do some extreme couponing one day when he was bored.22-year-old Lucas Henderson did not stay anonymous, as the student of the Rochester Instituteof Tech was caught by the Feds, who charged him with two felonies – trafficking in counterfeitgoods and wire fraud.Henderson had designed the counterfeit coupons to appear legit and distributed them on adifferent website.He also told users to head to 4chan to download their very own copy of “How to Make Coupons.”The tutorial claims to trick stores, as the coupons will scan at most retailers in America.The Feds tracked Henderson’s IP address and raided his home, where Henderson admittedto visiting 4chan and writing the manual.“I wrote what I could.I thought it was an interesting thing,” he said.I wonder if he thinks it was worth the jail time. 2.Got a Bad Waitress Fired “Next time you tip me $5 on a $138 bill,don’t even bother coming in cause I’ll spit in your food and then in your ... face,you cheap people!”Next time you post this kind of message on Facebook, Chili’s waitress, you’d betterbe ready for 4chan to get you fired.That’s just what 4channers did when an anonymous waitress posted her angry rant to her FB page.One 4channer then brought it over to the 4chan board, after which they pinpointed the Chili’sthis particular waitress worked at in Pleasanton, California as a server.With the mystery solved, at least one 4channer sent the Chili’s a message on their contactpage, reporting the waitress.Chili’s Guest Relations Manager responded, saying the food server was “no longer withthe company.”Before we get to number 1, my name is Chills and I hope you’re enjoying the video sofar.If you've ever been curious as to what I look like in real life, then follow me on Instagram@dylan_is_chillin_yt, with underscores instead of spaces.I also have Twitter @YT_Chills where I post video updates.I'd really appreciate it if you followed me and feel free to send me a DM if you havea questions or suggestions.Also, I recently created a subreddit, where you can submit videos and stories for futurelists, it’s r/chillsnarrator and the link is in the description below.It's a proven fact that generosity makes you a happier person, so if you're generous enoughto hit that subscribe button and the bell beside it then thank you.This way you'll be notified of the new videos we upload every Tuesday and Saturday.If English isn’t the only language you speak and your interested in getting a shoutout,click “More”, then “Add Translations”, by translating the video not only will morepeople be able to watch it, but a link to your channel will be added in the description. 1.Covfefe It was the Tweet that confused the world.“Despite the constant negative press covfefe.”Donald Trump claimed that his supporters knew what he meant…but did they?Travel over the 4chan to see if that’s true.One 4channer found each of the elements on the periodic table that matched up with thecode: covfefe and their corresponding atomic numbers – 27232626.When he typed this code into Google, the first entry was “a green toad.”The user drew a natural connection to the toad statue, also known as the Ancient statueof Kek and the Prophecy of Kek.On the Ancient Statue of Kek is a hieroglyphic of what looks to be a person using a computerand, as the OP wrote, “Internet/Meme Magic.”So, are we to believe that Trump meant to draw our attention to Covfefe in order tocreate some hilarious internet memes of his typo?Yes, we are to believe it.Because 4chan said so.